Investigating Thames Water's New Audi Parking Scheme

Brentford West councillor Guy Lambert reports back

Brentford West councillor Guy Lambert

April 24, 2025

Well, that cold played havoc with my ambitious plans for reshaping the known world over the Easter weekend. I was reduced to lie pathetically around my flat sneezing and feeling sorry for myself, though I did manage to get out to reinforce the stocks of Morrison's imitation LemSip (and Mr Grouse's famous cold remedy available in 1L bottles for an extortionate fee).

On my way to Morrisons my journey was made far more dangerous due to the ministrations of Thames Water.

They helpfully provided an explanation, though naturally the notice had blown over but I managed to turn it up so I could read it. There was absolutely nothing going on, other than a large Audi parked within the traffic cones. A man in a Hi-Vis asked me what I was up to. He was grumpy and I think his job was to sit in the Audi and repel boarders. Looking more closely, there was evidence there had been some excavation. But it was not on the High Street where all the blocking was but on the road leading down to Ballymore's car park.

All nice and neat but it was hard to see why there had been 3-way traffic controls for several days. This made traffic jams on the High Street, hazards for cyclists and pedestrians, and of course a free parking space for an Audi. Glad our inconvenience was so worthwhile for the world in general. I think that oval whitish thing is either a visitor from outer space (it might have been dropped by a celeb out of the window of a Blue Origin spaceship as a promotion for Amazon) or it is some kind of rare mollusc.

By Monday I was sneezing less and confident to infest the streets again. Went around the area on my feet (radical cycle-less morning). Wandered up the canal by the Holiday Inn and across the new bridge into Robin Grove. Then going home down Boston Manor/Half Acre I notice this nice improvement outside the Mall flats. I remember canvassing with Lara 3 years ago talking to a chap there who thought the lawn outside was boring. We agreed and now there are wild flowers and a bug hotel. It is a really positive change for very little cost.

At the other end there is a more formal garden which has been created by a resident I met. I believe the plants were provided by Morrisons but the resident does all the work (also around the adjacent car park) .

These efforts by our lovely residents make such a difference to how our town feels. Thanks to all who take the trouble.

I also took in the Brentford Monument. A few years ago when I was practically a teenager (in my 60s, of course) our local historian observed that the Brentford Monument was unreadable because of erosion and time passing. The rather ugly bit in the middle is because the monument was created by taking two pillars from the old Brentford Bridge and sticking them together with Evo-Stik. My first thought was to go and buy a paint brush and a tub of paint but I was told that would not do. I spoke to the undertakers on the corner of Half Acre as they understand rocks but the experts from the council decided to get a proper restorer. He built a little tent around it and sat inside the tent for a few weeks until the improved monument was revealed. Still very legible and a nice thing to have in our town.

The excitement this week was I saw this notice. I couldn't understand that as the new paths were laid recently and were in perfect condition, but I remembered moaning gently when the park was restored that they didn't resurface the riverside path. Turns out this is for that, but I really disagreed with closing the whole park - playground, sunbathing (I know) field, footpath and cycle lane. I saw a man fixing barriers yesterday and remonstrated with him. Not me, guv, just doing what the council told me. As we watched, a young fellow on an (illegal) electric scooter whizzed through the gap that remained in his barrier.

"How did you get in/" asked the barrier man. " Through the gate" he replied.

Somebody had helpfully remodelled the barrier at the other end of the park. I asked Mr Barrier "Why?" and the inevitable response was " Health 'n' Safety" of course. He remarked it would be much worse tomorrow as the heavy trucks were coming. Must check it out.

I also noticed this familiar sight. I first saw one of these (they are all over London) by Hampstead Heath and my suspicion is always that there is something dodgy going on (and I bet the bike has been nicked.) Somebody said on social media he had painted one black. They replaced it. He painted it black again. It disappeared. Guerilla wars with nobody dying.

This is about the most content-empty blog ever. Still no shops but Romance of Rust is showing interest in the former Housing office on the High Street as it seems the idea of using this for care leavers seems to have been abandoned after 3 years thinking about it and paying architects to design it and getting planning permission. Oh, well.

Councillor Guy Lambert