Joy and Sadness at the Ceremony for Alderpersons

Brentford West councillor Guy Lambert reports back

Cllr Guy Lambert

March 8, 2024

Well gosh, I was out there saddle-hunting, something you might think is easy. Well, it is, but the bad bit is finding the pole. It’s just a bit of steel tube, but the dastardly bicycle manufacturers have decided to make all their components unique. I’m not sure this helps anyone, not even the nickers because when they go to the trouble to offer them on eBay, and get an offer of 30p or something, you send it off to some excited saddle-fancier, and when he gets it he can’t fix it, because the pole won’t fit. If someone came to me for career advice, I’d recommend against saddle-rustling. Get yourself a Teletubby uniform and stand around Morrisons with a tin. Or the modern tin, one of those electronic gizmos that reduces your bank account. Or maybe fills it up, if you’re a Teletubby. There was one of those in Morrisons this week. He asked me if I wanted his uniform, which was a nice gesture but sadly it wouldn’t have fitted me.

Anyway I wheeled the velocipede down to Bicycle Jim, who most surprisingly announced that he didn’t have the right size. He has now got a post and I’ll be there when the dawn breaks tomorrow.

Next task was to tootle up to the library to meet some people from the Community team. We spent some time thinking about what we would want to do around the community and came up with some ideas. My colleagues were keen on yoof groups and lots of stuff (which with my memory…) but it took me some time to remember what I suggested. I came up with story telling (I did it a few times pre-pandemic and found it very pleasing) and playing African drums as a group. My colleagues looked at me thinking quite correctly that I have a screw loose. I don’t know what comes next but I don’t think it will be my ideas. As Bob Dylan once said “ You know, they refused Jesus, too, " he said, "You're not him”. Well you could say the same to me and I wouldn’t deny it.

A very lazy weekend, without a bike (did I mention I have lost the key to my spare bike?) But I was up and at them on Monday morning early (far too early for my taste) but there I was at 7.30 at Boston Manor station ready to leaflet on behalf of Sadiq Khan. But my promised chums didn’t turn up – they had gone to Hounslow East instead, so I took our world-beating Piccadilly line a couple of stops Westward. Sure enough, there was a bevy of us there including our fab candidate Marcela who we really hope she’s our new Labour member for SW London. It has been a Tory safe seat but these days it’s a 3-party marginal. And the competition from the Tories is local councillor Ron Mushiso. Somehow I think Marcela will generate more enthusiasm!

Beware, the Lib Dems will say it’s only them and the Tories in it. They always do.

In the evening it was Hounslow House, for a disciplinary hearing you may have read about elsewhere. I am not going to elaborate other than saying I detest these things, which fortunately are very rare.

Tuesday was a very different day, though it still meant a trip to Hounslow. Started with an online chat with officers – SW Trains have bunged us a few pounds to tart up the approach to Brentford station. Very welcome and this was exchanging some ideas prior to the officers briefing designers. Keen to make sure Air Quality Brentford, who do lots of improvements on our streets as volunteers, are part of the discussion.

I also spent some time strolling around Brentford. As I’m a bit of a biker having a (I hope) short spell of Cold Turkey I notice them. I looked longingly at a Lime bike on the High Street. I was fighting the craving and I looked for it on my Lime App, but it wasn’t there. Aha, I reported it to the police – Hounslow Highways are the first step and let’s see if this dodgy one disappears.

In the evening there was another special meeting of the council, but there was no tension this time. We were appointing 5 former councillors as honorary alderpersons and I was delighted to see my recent ward colleagues, Corinna and Mel being selected. I had the honour of doing the nomination speech for The Melvinator and that was one of my most pleasant duties as a councillor. Mel and I have little in common other than a strong desire to do what we can, and do our best for our local residents. Mel had been doing this for 24 years, despite his long-term poor eyesight and at times other health problems (he’s fit now, which is another pleasure) and is genuinely a legend in Brentford. I have grown to love this man. I’m proud to know him and extra proud to be part of celebrating his career.

There was a sad bit to this evening though, the absence of one of the honoured colleagues, Steve Curran. I’m so sad his cancer has come back with a vengeance, and he was unable to make it to the event. His son stood in for him and he was like a younger and even bigger Steve.

Wednesday was a quiet morning and I spent it catching up with things, doing some serious shopping and took the bins out. I am training to be the husband of a prime minister like Mr May (though to be fair I have no candidate for a wife, let alone anyone who is likely to be prime minister). Perhaps I could be the prime minister myself. I found myself checking that the bed was made tidily, an important leadership skill according to Mr Sunak.

I got a call later from my esteemed editor at BrentfordTW8.com who told me there was a serial industrial strength flytipper operating in The Ham. I went down to take a look and met the MD of a furniture company down there who told me this had happened 3 times over the years. It was a whole tipper truck content that they basically have to deal with. It was clearly (from the pictures) a house and garden waste clearance. It’s very likely somebody has paid them to take it all away but they don’t want to drive to Feltham or pay a fee, so they find a handy place to tip. From history, these people are cunning - they go to places where there’s little security and in any case they very often have false number plates. You won’t be surprised that these are not a hot priority for our local Inspector Clouseau. We did catch one of these a year ago but it involved a lot of surveillance, cameras etc and the culprit got fined £4000. I prefer not to think about how much the chase cost.

In the evening, I was up to the ever-welcoming Griffin for a social with the Brentford Voice people. Very good it was too. Then Thursday morning I was off to Charing Cross for what seems to be my monthly X-Ray. The good news is the doctor said there is definite evidence of improvement so by 2028 I might have a normal looking shoulder.

When I got back I had an update with the Leader and various others around the development of the Watermans Park Marina. This is taking ages, and is far too slow for my liking so I hope I have inspired some energy into the plan to get this done.

In the evening I decided to make a rare appearance at the planning committee. I was (and am) disappointed about the planning application that has been presented for what is known for some reason as Churchill House. It is a very untidy selection of sheds between St Faith’s church and Boston Park Road. I don’t think Winston would be gagging for the chance to reside there. Guess what, the developer want to demolish all this and replace it with blocks of flats. I don’t think it is particularly ugly, but what riles me is that they have ignored our policy and the London Mayor’s about the proportion of affordable units. Leaving aside what affordable means, they are determined to make more than 80% of these flats unaffordable, compared with the policy which says we should have 50% affordable. As is completely standard, they say they couldn’t possibly afford that and they have some (IMO) weasel calculations that prove it. There are various other problems like parking in an area where it’s already under plenty of stress, But frankly, it is a challenge to get people very interested and I only managed to convince 3 of my colleagues to see the things my way so approval was rubber stamped. Councils are always scared of challenging, because developers have access to expensive lawyers and a lot of profit to defend in front of a usually sympathetic Inspector.

There were 2 people there from a nursery that is bang next door and they are terribly worried about the impact of dust and noise on their very vulnerable children. I chatted to them briefly after the meeting and will do what I can to help, but I’m not sure what I can do. Here are the planning gurus. There was a time when I and a couple of comrades had made things better but they seem to be recidivists on the panel now.

That was my week but now, something alarmed me, Well, I’m exaggerating but there was a weird beastie strolling and sometimes I think doing jumps around my floor. It was definitely bigger than a pin head, but a drawing pin would dwarf it. If you’re an estate agent, my floor looks absolutely fine to a normal eye – and even my eyes – so the picture looks like this due to magnifying.

Anyone know who he is?

Councillor Guy Lambert