New Prison for Brentford

Controversial Scheme Suggests Solution to Undeveloped Parts of Brentford

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A new privately financed high-security prison is to be built in Brentford, it was confirmed this morning.

The prison with the Latin name, HMP Folo Pilar, which means “fall from great height”, is to be the first prison to be constructed by Tuff Prisons without a ground floor. Instead the prison begins two stories up making it impossible to escape.

Jake Joust, spokesman for Tuff Prisons, said: “There is no possible method of escape. There would be a 20ft drop even if they could get through the small barred window. We won’t make these prisons namby pamby. There will be no Playstations or any of that nonsense. If they are released they will never want to reoffend".

The news was met by angry residents demanding to know why they should have a High-Security prison on their doorstep, with the area south of the High Street being ideally suited for the prison as it may get flooded.

Angry resident, Susan Toedeeple, said: “They should just leave the House of Commons as a prison, keeping all the MPs in there. There are much better places for this in the country, like Swindon, or turn one of these small islands into a prison like Alcatraz.”

Tom Moore

April 1, 2011

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